Come on people, get act together

19-07-2010 | Alan Emerson

People in the provinces will be absolutely gobsmacked at the ridiculous antics of both national and local body politicians over the coming Rugby World Cup.

At a time when lambing is imminent, calving not far away and the grass has stopped growing, farmers will be wondering what makes those in Auckland or Wellington tick. Another thought is that they don't have enough to do and it is the adult equivalent of playing in a sand pit.

With the RWC but 13 months away we suddenly, out of left field, have a crisis and one so major we have the head of the Auckland Regional Council, the Minister for the World Cup and the Prime Minister all embroiled. The crisis didn't involve increasing productivity, catching up with Australia or anything so mundane but the venue for the piss-up during the Rugby World Cup.

Now the thought of having a party venue on the wharf in Auckland did have some appeal, the locals could over-imbibe and fall off. But seriously, what a ridiculous waste of time and effort.

The lesson we in the provinces can take out of that is how the mundane can suddenly become a nation-threatening crisis.

Enter Andy Haden, having already had his hand smacked once by the headmaster, suddenly suggesting that women who target sportsmen "do so at their peril". I'd have to be honest and say I didn't think it was the smartest thing he has said, coming as it did on the heels of his Canterbury "darkie" statement, but Haden performed as a lock and a good one at that. Does a throwaway line on a sports show warrant, again, the intervention of the Prime Minister and minister for the RWC? It obviously did because they rode in like Knights Errant. I'm only surprised they weren't both on horses.

For the record, as a person still playing rugby - just - and a season ticket holder to the Cake Tin I find all the yahoo over the RWC starting to become obscene. I do not accept the figure about the revenue and all the supposed benefits. There will be benefits yes but not of the level being bandied about and a whole lot of us won't share them.

There was an excellent article in the New Zealand Herald in early May written by Matt Nippert questioning the figures used to justify the RWC and the cost to you and I the taxpayer. Nippert worked out that on figures to date the RWC will cost $507.6 million, which equates to $118 for each NZer.

Now I think all of that provides a valuable lesson to rural NZ. We're just too logical, serious, factual and we argue the important items. That's obviously why we get ignored. For example if we spent just half the RWC budget irrigating Wairarapa you would create 14,000 jobs. If you invested just half the money the government has earmarked for "roads of national significance" on irrigation in Canterbury you could, according to their figures, increase GDP for the region by $1.7 billion annually.

We hear lots about lucky Australia with its minerals. We have the world's shortest resource, water. The difference is that Australia mines its minerals we let 96% of our water run out to sea. Further, for decades we've debated irrigation but not a lot has happened.

So my solution to the problem is this: Employ Andy Haden as irrigation ambassador. He will, inevitably lift the profile of irrigation and grab ministerial attention right up to John Key himself as he's done on more than one occasion recently. Politicians seem to hang on his every word. He doesn't have an ambassador's job right now so he will be available.

Then I'd rename the Canterbury Crusaders the Irrigators. That will provide massive photo opportunities for our politicians and must encourage action on irrigation. Can't you see it; 10 seconds on TV of John Key and Gerry Brownlee watching the Irrigators and the Irrigators are winning. It could just get the message through. I'd even talk to the Wairarapa Bush Rugby Union about naming our reps the "Centre Pivots".

If rugby players of my era couldn't sing we could, inevitably, yodel so an additional initiative would be to have a pop group, Andy and the Irrigators. I reckon we've got a winner here. Water should start flowing onto paddocks in just months.

Mind you if we have the Canterbury Irrigators and the Wairarapa Bush Centre Pivots what are you going to call the Auckland rugby team?

The Auckland Vacillators comes to mind, or the Ditherers perhaps?

  Printable View